I want to open by telling you that this is, by far, the most personal and heartbreaking post I've ever done on this blog and I really went back and forth on even posting it. But it's Pride month and inevitably every single year we see some asshole spouting off against Pride, saying that the LGBTQ+ community doesn't need it anymore and that the spectacle of it all is bad for the children or some enraging BS like that. I could go off on an entire rant about that, but instead I want to talk about a reason that has recently become devastatingly clear to me why we still need Pride and why, as a society, it's as important as ever for those of us who don't identify as a part of that community to stand beside them as allies.

A week ago, my family and I lost my brother after a years long struggle with addiction. He was 35 years old. I've known for years that this was a likely outcome, but it absolutely does not make this loss easier or less absolutely devastating. Rates of addiction and mental health struggles within the LGBTQ+ community are markedly higher than in the rest of the population and most of what I've read attributes that to trauma, fear, rejection and shame associated with being LGBTQ+ even still. Years ago, when we were first coming to terms with my brother's addiction, I learned that addiction isn't about drugs, it's about pain and trying to manage that pain. We've made progress as a society, even in my adult lifetime, but we're not there yet. There is still stigma and trauma and hate crimes and a religious right that casually hates people who live outside of their narrow norms and those things can really create a lot of weight for people to carry, and it's no surprise how often it becomes too much.

I feel sort of weird posting this, but the idea for it came to me pretty aggressively and sitting down to get this exact imagery and dedication on my nails became an absolute necessity for me after a couple of days of trying to make sense of what happened. I wanted a light, sparkly background - something delicate but glittering, because it felt like peace to me and I want to believe that's what this is for him, regardless of what my beliefs are about what happens when you pass. Next, I wanted the rainbow to signify the LGBTQ+ community in all of it's beauty and struggle. Finally, I added the sort of disintegrating heart and the black rose to signify death and mourning. I think he would have gotten a kick out of this mani and I think that doing it was a bit of catharsis for me. 

I have about zero patience for anyone saying that the world doesn't need Pride Month these days, moreso now than ever before. I wish that there had been a way help my brother and to help the countless other Rainbow people who have left us too soon, but I have hope for the future that it can get better. I tried to find some good resources for people who may be in crisis themselves or for people who have a loved one struggling. The truth is that addiction support, for both the LGBTQ+ community specifically as well as the community at large, is wildly inadequate for the problems that we face with addiction as a society. There are, however, some great organizations for crisis intervention as well as general support for the LGBTQ+ community. 

LGBT Youthline has a really comprehensive list of all different types of resources all over Canada for a wide range of specific LGBTQ+ issues, so I definitely recommend taking a look at it. 

The Trevor Project - An organization dedicated to supporting LGBTQ+ Youth. They have a toll free help line as well as text and online chat options for young people who need help or someone to talk to. They also have TrevorSpace.org, where people aged 13-24 can find community, regardless of where they live in the world. 

PFLAG Canada - An organization with local chapters all over the country that helps parents and other family members to support and accept their LGBTQ+ children. 

Thank you so much for reading. I know this was a different type of post for this blog and probably not quite so much fun, but it was really important to me. I know that nail art is probably a weird and very specific type of healing, but it is what it is.

Be sure to head over to Cosmetic Proof and See The World In PINK for more Allyship themed nail art for this week's #CBBxManiMonday.